Upon returning from a stateside vacation, I was reminded of how quiet Germany is in comparison. The atmosphere in the commuter train that took my wife and me back home was almost funereal. And the following day, in another commuter train, an elderly woman bawled out a younger one for the temerity of using a cell phone. The object of the oldster's ire had been talking audibly, but not loudly, at the other end of the car.

Some two weeks earlier, on a cross-town bus in San Francisco, a guy with a scraggly goatee sitting behind me with a companion discoursed wildly on the merits of marijuana and incense in a voice strong enough for the stage. Nobody told him to shut up, and nobody gave him so much as a disapproving look.

Besides public conveyances, bars in the United States -- whether or not you count the noise from the irksomely ubiquitous TV sets -- are usually a lot louder and livelier than their German counterparts. Americans like to let it all hang out.

This isn't to say Germans are always quiet, of course. They can be quite loud, for instance, at soccer matches, rock concerts, and complaining about the beer while vacationing abroad. Generally speaking, though, they hold quietness dear. Some of the greatest German minds -- including Goethe, Kant, and Schopenhauer -- expressed annoyance at noise. Schopenhauer called it "the most impertinent of all forms of interruption because it even interrupts -- indeed shatters -- our own thoughts."

In keeping with their fondness for regulations, Germans have established mandatory "quiet times" (Ruhezeiten). Depending on where you live, these times tend to be from 8 or 10 p.m. to 6 or 7 a.m., from 1 to 3 p.m., and all day on Sundays and holidays. People who pump up the volume on their stereo systems, run their lawn mowers, etc., at unallowed times may cause neighbors to call the cops. A fat fine can result.

This being Germany, the regulations are often very specific, sometimes to the point of absurdity. The Karlsruhe-based Federal Court of Justice (Bundesgerichtshof) ruled in 1998 that singing and music-making at home was permitted from 8 a.m. to noon, and from 2 to 8 p.m. Nuremberg allows drum-playing during those times for only 45 minutes in the summer, and 90 minutes in the winter. Düsseldorf restricts nighttime baths and showers to a maximum of 30 minutes. In Cologne, dogs may bark for 30 minutes daily from 8 a.m. to 1 p.m., and from 3 to 7 p.m., but no more than 10 minutes at a stretch.

Tell that to Fido.

Having tolerant neighbors makes life easier, and blandishments can help them turn a deaf ear to transgressions of noise rules. Our new neighbors didn't invite anyone in the building to their housewarming party about a month ago, but they apologized to everyone for any disturbance in advance, and passed out bottles of Prosecco in compensation.

Na prost!